Don’t Look Before You Leap

I am in the final countdown; I have 6 days until I join John in New Zealand and I think I’m handling packing effectively. I have almost everything from John’s extensive “bring it with you” list, including AAAA batteries, which I did not know existed. Car charger, reflective bike vest, extra sweaters and jeans, his gray gym shoes in the closet. I’m knocking off his requests and sorting my clothes for the next three months like a pro.

The New Zealand decision, which began back in February, has been a roller coaster ride. Despite submitting loads of paperwork and jumping through numerous hoops to appease the NZ government, the final decision to hire John for a rural health position came through July 25th. His start date was August 15th, and could he please show up a week ahead of that date for a final legal interview? So we scrambled, and packed, and figured it out, and he is there safe.

I was feeling rather zen about leaving the States again and changing locations. I had an image of myself in my mind, doing a Yoga pose and throwing things cavalierly into the suitcase.

And then I went shopping at Kohl’s. I had limited time to find what I needed, and that’s never good. I foolishly thought I could find some tops, checkout, and be on my merry way within 8 minutes because I was squeezing shopping in before a 1 pm appointment.  Well, the timeline in my mind would have worked except for the cashiers at Kohl’s that have obviously taken their customer service training to heart. As the minutes ticked by, and the one cashier was just chatting away about the traffic with her new BFF, I started having a melt down. Suddenly, I realized time is running out not just now, but in terms of getting ready. Primarily, the melt down was all internal- no yelling or screaming, no hitting was involved, not even evil looks,  but I did fantasize for a minute about throwing a hanger at the one cashier. What saved me was the Caramel M & Ms for sale on display. I knew that I would cope so much better with the delay if I had that blue bag of candy. So I did.

I get asked daily by friends and family if I am excited- and I am, although initially the excitement felt a little close to dread. Not the kind of dread you feel when you are scared, or when there might be some impending evil. More, I questioned if this was the right thing to be doing. Great opportunity, maybe a once in a lifetime chance, but saying yes to one thing almost always means you are saying no to something else. That’s life, because we can’t do everything or have everything. The trick is accepting the choice you have to make.

So, in saying yes to New Zealand, I have to accept I am saying no to finding a job in Detroit, to getting involved with a college Promise program, to finding a house, and I am delaying creating my social  circle here. I will miss my niece’s wedding and family time.

But saying yes to New Zealand means I am embracing time with my husband and daughter, and I  get to explore an awesome country and culture. But, most importantly, I am saying yes to writing. I am finally picking this path.


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